Luriel

Sometimes , I just feel the need to type..and type and type and type. Of course this is all just feelings and straight from my head no filters. So if you actually read this whole thing. Thumbs up to you . 

I kind of feel like i’m swimming lately, through a puddle of sludge and it’s beginning to eat me alive. I feel like i’m losing touch with who i am and what i know to be true or false. You could tell me the sky was green and i’d sit here and cry because i can’t figure out if i’m crazy or your lying.

I cry alot, Much more than i should, and it always seems to come at night, and i lay here and cry and cry until i fall asleep and repeat it all the next night. 

I feel like i’m lost. No better way to describe it just lost. I can’t for the life of me figure out what it is that i need to stitch myself back together i just know that i’m hurting somewhere deep within.

Every time i sit here and cry i feel like i’m choking my will to trudge through all the darkness. SO i just sleep and i don’t ever even sleep good. I have nightmares that would make so many people piss their pants. 

I find myself holing out away from humans as much as possible which isn’t fair to my state of mind either, Maybe i just need a good long talk, or a mental home. I’m not sure. 

I just want to know what’s wrong with me.

And some sleep, definitely some sleep.

It’s 4 o clock in the morning and I’m laying here in bed unable to sleep..
Thinking of you and trying to keep myself from over thinking or under caring or missing something important.
I can’t breathe because the thoughts are suffocating and I’m watching a moth circle my nightlight ..they fly like they’re broken.
Sometimes I forget that loving other People, myself included, is natural..I’ve just loved you for so long it seemed weird to love someone else.
I look at the pictures of us on the walls and all the drawings we’ve created together
What a world we’ve created for one another to exist in.
Such Peaceful simple love
Especially at 4 in the morning
And as I breathe in
I can almost hear your heart beat
Even though your miles away

Finally I’d found someone to hold onto and like the rest he walked out and left me crying. I figured I’d mask it over to get through the night,but the night was all it was meant to last.

Funny how love works like that sometimes..just a flash and its gone.
I do believe part of me loved him..the part that wanted to hold him and kiss away the pain. But part of me knew perfectly well that I need someone holding me and kissing away my pain..I’m not strong enough to take care of myself and someone else too.

So I drew butterflies down his arms all night..not that they would even live to see daylight but it eased my mind a little.
We held each other and watched movies. And when morning came I packed my things away and left.

lnnea:

Lets do cute stuff together like have rough sex in public

(via an-unromantic-romance-session)